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Extract: The First Crack in the Wall

I figured it was about time for another extract, so here’s what I was just working on. Presently, it’s scheduled for the second episode, though I can’t say for certain how much of it will remain because it might drag on too much… this extract is 1,600 words (only half the scene), while the previous draft was half that (first drafts are almost always rough, broad strokes, and I fill in the details later – very much as I would approach a piece of artwork, in fact), and my aim is to bring in each episode under 20k (so I’m not overworked). But we shall see. Is there too much detail? Too much meandering about? Not enough actual plot? Let me know what you think!

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